Julie's driver / core identity paper

Core Identity Paper

Julie Jones

Who am I…really? Am I loveable? Am I valuable? Am I worth getting to know…really? We can find ourselves asking these questions from time in our more reflective moments. The trouble is, they are questions that, largely, lie below the surface of our thoughts and more often than not we are largely unaware of them. Yet the way we answer these questions determine so much that deeply impacts our daily existence and the existence of others.

We all have a core identity that serves as a hub, so to speak, to our being. It is like the center of the spokes on a wheel that give centering or balance to the entire bicycle itself. It can also be likened to a central drop of water that when it hits a body of water it sends out various rings and ripples from its center. In both cases the center both shapes and affects its outward parts.

It has been said that all humans are in search of significance and security and that life is a constant pursuit of satisfying our need for both significance and security. I believe there is truth in this understanding and it under girds the thoughts that follow.

Gardening Lessons

We were originally created to have our needs met by God, our Heavenly Father. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve shared a beautiful garden paradise with the God in which all of their needs for security (the garden) and significance (tending the garden and knowing one another and their Father) were met. We know that Adam and Eve succumbed eventually to the temptation to meet their needs themselves rather than remain dependent upon the Father for meeting their needs. The perfection of the Garden was not enough and the course of human history and behavior was forever changed.

Thus our predecessors set the stage for a struggle that we engage in ourselves, everyday of lives; who defines us? This struggle between letting God both define us and be the primary one to meet our needs, and getting our definition of self and our needs met by outside sources, is a struggle as old as time.

Core Question

I believe that each of us has, at our center, a core question; something that we are in pursuit of validating. In my own life this core question has been, “Am I ok?”. This was revealed to me recently, and since that time I have seen how so many thoughts and behaviors in my life point back to the struggle to answer this defining question, “Am I ok?” Someone else may be asking at their center, “Am I good enough?”; another, “Am I loveable?”; and another, “Am I accepted?”.

These questions may come from various experiences, deficits, traumas, etc. that have occurred in our lives. The questions may vary, but the thing that remains the same is that we are all seeking validation. We are all seeking a measure of security and significance in our lives. As humans we are amazingly unique and these questions, therefore, are bound to be as unique as the person asking the question! What is your core question? What do you seem to find yourself in pursuit of answering?

From this core question comes a fork in the road and yet another question, “who is going to answer this question? Who is going to validate this need?”. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden we have a choice. Will we seek to answer this question ourselves? Will we seek validation within our own means? Or will we let our Heavenly Father answer our core question and validate our needs Himself.

Answering our own question our own way

If we choose to answer the question our self and tap into our own resources I would like to propose that we enter the realm of insecurity. We were never meant to meet this need just like Adam and Eve were never meant to partake of the fruit that changed the course of history. Like the pebble that hits a body of still water we have set in motion a serious of actions and behaviors, ripple effects so to speak, that come out of a place of insecurity.

For example, if my core question is “am I ok?” and I must answer that question myself and validate, within my own resources, that fact that indeed I am ok, then I am starting a ripple of responses (out of a place of insecurity) that must be validating to myself.

I am now committed to search for security and significance in any way I can and through any means I can find. This search for security taps into what I call Drivers. These Drivers are what I need to validate my question of “am I ok?”.

Drivers can embody such affirmatives such as :Be Good; Work Hard; Be Strong; Be Perfect; Be Funny; Feel Good; Please Others; Be Positive; Be Logical/Objective and the like.

Now these Drives become the energizing force behind answering the insecurity driven by answering the core question within our own strength and resource base.

These Drivers in turn dictate behavior. For example, with the core question of “am I ok?” and the need to answer that question, one Driver might be Please Others. My belief might be that if I please others they will validate me by liking me and I will feel good about myself and I will be somewhat answering the question of “am I ok?’ because, yes I am ok. So and so likes me and that makes me ok.

Another response to answering the question might be accessing the Driver Work Harder. My belief might be that if I work harder than everyone else, if I stay in the office until 3 am finishing projects, if I get the highest score in the class, then I am ok. Then I am secure.

Do you see how these Drivers become the energizing force behind answering what defines us? Unfortunately, more often than not and especially in Christian circles, these Drivers include socially acceptable behavior.

If I am seeking self-validation and access the Driver of Please Others then I can be seen as the model Christian because I never rock the boat, never cause pain or trouble for anyone and seem to exemplify the picture of the Peacemaker. The trouble is that this “good” behavior is coming out of a desire to be validated by man and not God. It is extremely difficult to extricate ourselves from such unhealthy drivers because they are validated by society – regardless of whether it is coming from a healthy place or not.

Did you have trouble identifying your core question? Often if we struggle to see what our Core Question is, we can look at our behaviors and what particularDrivers are energizing our behaviors.

If we work from the outside of the rings formed or the ripple effect from the Core Question we might have insight into that Core Question. For example, using the above illustration, we can look at our behavior of keeping the peace. Why do we always keep the peace? What is driving that? Am I seeking to please others? What is driving that need to please? Am I asking a deeper question and if so what might that be? Who at this point is answering this question?

These behaviors can generally be categorized into areas like Self Destructive behavior, Self Righteous behavior or Self Disciplined type behavior.

A God defined identity
Let’s now look at this from the perspective of our Core Question being addressed in light of letting God into the mix. Let’s say my Core Question is “Am I accepted”. As I ask that question of myself, I have the opportunity to let my Heavenly Father answer that question. What does He say about me?

This is what the Lord says:
“Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,
who rely on human strength
and turn their hearts away from the Lord.
They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,
with no hope for the future.
They will live in the barren wilderness,
in an uninhabited salty land.

7 “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green,
and they never stop producing fruit.


The Message

“Cursed is the strong one who depends on mere humans,who thinks he can make it on muscle alone and sets God aside as dead weight.

He’s like a tumbleweed on the prairie, out of touch with the good earth. He lives rootless and aimless in a land where nothing grows.

But blessed is the man who trusts me, God, the woman who sticks with God. They’re like trees replanted in Eden, putting down roots near the rivers – Never a worry through the hottest of summers, never dropping a leaf, Serene and calm through droughts, bearing fresh fruit every season.”

Jeremiah 17:5-8 talks about the “blessed” man who puts his hope and trust in the Lord and has made Him his hope and confidence. This man is like a tree planted by riverbank with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green and they never stop producing fruit

With this in mind, I know that my security (roots) and significance (fruit) comes from the Lord. As I let Him address my Core Question of am I accepted I have the opportunity to operate from a secure place. Like in the Garden, I was designed to have the Heavenly Father meet my needs…all of them. I am operating in a manner consistent with my creation and calling and have the opportunity to work from an arena of strength, energized by God’s Spirit.

At this point I am inviting the Holy Spirit to become the Driver. He is the energizing force behind my Core Question. He is then free to empower me. If I know I am accepted He then can empower me, out of a place of fullness and security, to not only answer that question for myself but to be a blessing to others.

My behaviors then can come out of a place energized by the Holy Spirit who Himself is validating me and my Core Question.

For example, with my Core Question of “Am I accepted” being answered by God as yes and as the Holy Spirit is given freedom to energize me I am operating from a place of security. As I operate from a place of security, I am able to be a blessing to others. I may even be able to validate them in the question of their acceptability. Because I am secure at that moment, I am not striving to get my own question answered but can focus on another to validate them and encourage them. This encouragement does not come from striving within myself, but from the energizing power of the Holy Spirit.

This is an entirely different story, is it not? As I approach my day and I feel insecure about something I have the option to go to God and ask to see myself as He sees me. This can be as simple as a breath prayer prayed in the moment you are aware of who is taking control. “Lord, I am nervous walking into this classroom. These kids are going to eat me alive and I feel unsure of my ability as a teacher. I trust that you say I am ok. Will you empower me to teach well. I trust you in this moment. Amen.”

As I tap into that perspective, I can access the Holy Spirit to energize. He has been given space to move; an invitation to empower. What flows from there is His. Then my behavior has the opportunity to be a blessing to others rather than self-serving and a desperate attempt to meet my own needs for security and significance. See the difference?

When I am validated by God and energized by His Spirit I can steer away from needing to meet my own needs in either self destructive, self righteous or self disciplined ways.

I see this as a moment by moment choice and an absolute retraining of the mind. I must either look at my question or behavior to guide me as to whether I am tapping into the strength that God seeks to provide or my own strength which, in the Jeremiah verses leave me like a “stunted shrub in the dessert with no hope for the future.”
I want to flourish, how about you?