Keeping Sex Inside of Marriage

Keeping Sex Inside of Marriage

It's better to look at sex and the body as a whole theme in Scripture. Here are some themes and verses that back them.

A couple of things to begin with:

- Let’s talk about "sex outside of marriage" (you can be "married" and have sex - with someone else! - that's not intended by God.) Pre-marital sex is just sex outside of marriage.

- I like to think in terms of, God's Design for Sex, What the Bible Has to Say About Sex, Sex in all of its Beauty. This way, we aren’t focusing on what we can't do (and how far we can push the envelope without crossing the line), but instead focusing on what to do. That's what the Bible wholly talks about - the life we are called to live, rather than the one that we're not called to live.

Bible and Sex:

I see the purpose of sex, as outlined in Scripture, as the central intimate act for a man and women. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, it's the unique, intimate act between a man and woman. It's a coming together on all of those levels.

Man and women coming together in marriage is a big deal:

Matthew 19.1-6 - in response to a question about separation, Jesus says it's not that easy. In marriage (and sex), the man and woman are bound together as one being. Just as you can't separate your own body into two parts. Put sex into this mix - the most intimate act emotionally, physically, spiritually - and it gets really messy. Trying to separate from each of those "joining togethers" is, it seems according to the text, a myth.

Our bodies don't belong to us:

1 Corinthians 6.12-20 - our body belongs to God. He purchased us with the death of Jesus. And how we use our bodies’ matters to God, and is an opportunity to reveal His greatness. Sexual immorality is a sin against this body and the intention that we glorify Him (display His greatness in how we use this body).

Sexual purity is God's will for us:

1 Thess. 4.3-8 - one of the few places in the entire Bible (1 Thess 5.18 is another) where "God's will" is stated in those words. Our body is to be used for honor, and intended for sex in all of its beauty. Sexual purity mean keeping sex in its context and design (marriage).

Our bodies are a living act of worship to God:

Romans 12.1-2 - again, our bodies aren't for our purposes. Our bodies are a place and instrument of worship to God. How we use our bodies matters to God, and it matters to show God in the world. Even if the world doesn't give its bodies to the glory of God, Paul challenges to not be conformed to the way the world operates, but be transformed.

Here also is a section in the commentary, "Bible Knowledge Commentary" on the book of Song of Songs:

"The purpose of the book is to extol human love and marriage. Though at first this seems strange, on reflection it is not surprising for God to have included in the biblical canon a book endorsing the beauty and purity of marital love. God created man and woman (Gen. 1:27; 2:20-23) and established and sanctioned marriage (Gen. 2:24). Since the world views sex so sordidly and perverts and exploits it so persistently and since so many marriages are crumbling because of lack of love, commitment, and devotion, it is advantageous to have a book in the Bible that gives God’s endorsement of marital love as wholesome and pure."


On the following podcast (Sex and the Christian Hope), Tim Keller does say that the Greek word (in 1 Cor 6) for "sexual immorality" means having sex outside of marriage. About 8 mins in to the podcast.

God created sex. He's all for sex. There's no one more in favor of sex than God - but in the context (marriage) and purpose (glory) that He designed. That, I think, is sex in all its beauty.

statue of steel and sandstone

statue is under the rock I just needed to chip away what was around it

God's work for our life is a statue.
It is hidden under layers. We need to chip away the layers to reveal the stone. There are many choices in life. We need to act. If our choices are under God and moral He will not let us chip away at the statue. It is a different type of stone. The statue is made of material that is so hard it is impossible to break. It can only be broken by deliberate sin and not by accidend. We will not reveal the statue if we do not act. It will remain under the debris. We will damage it if we are immoral. We can burn through the steel. But when we let go of the flame and pick up the chizzle again the rest of the statue can start to be revealed again. No future damage will be done. God can remold us with his own fire.

God opens and closes doors.
We had a hard time picking a house and knowing if it was God's will or not. There are many nice ones. Are any perfect? But He shut doors that we tried to open. He gave me a price not to go over. I felt it was supernatural. He told us about this house just as it was on the market. If we had not been obsorbed in these other homes we may not have been looking or may have already bought the wrong one. But He made it possible with the repairs. The sellers took care of the windows. He set us up with Rose and Edmund. He helped us with Matt. He had the estimate with Chris. He softened Michael and Dudley. You are before us Lord. May we give credit where credit is due. We can try but success is up to you. And you even used this to remind Tasha how important it is to look for a job now and not wait for the perfect one but instead apply to many of them. If you want something done and it is important to you, you open up the pathways. We still need to work but the fruit is greater.
I hope this house is important to you and a part of you good plan. I know we could do good without it too. This would be a nice place to go from. Thanks Jesus.
Adam

Marriage Counseling from Teal

1. Love Unconditionally – Helping your spouse to know that they are Loved, Valued and Accepted. I am called to have unconditional love – to Love my spouse no matter what they do. No matter if they love me or not. It’s not a 50/50 thing, where I will love them if they love me and we can do it together. I am called to love my spouse UNCONDITIONALLY. Even if they do not love me. Even if they are mean or hateful or sinful, etc. It does not matter if they cannot say they love me. Or if they never apologize or if they do or do not want to be married to me. I need to love them and create the best environment for them to thrive in and love me back. This is ONLY possible through God. Or rather it is only possible by God living in me.
2. Forgive – This is between me and God primarily (He commands us to forgive one another in love)
I need to be able to forgive no matter what the other person has done or continues to do (outside of physical or mental abuse, etc) – with no apology or anything said about it. Forgiveness is a point and a process. We need to forgive and continue forgiving. A test of whether you have truly forgiven someone is:
1) Do I use it against them to them?,
2) Do I use it against them to others?
3) Do I dwell on it?
There may be consequences; there may be hurt.
This is ONLY possible through God. Or rather God is the only one who can do this and so we need Him living in us.
3. Apologize - At the same time I need to apologize without a hint of Accusation. I must always take responsibility for my own actions.
4. Put the others needs above my own. In all things, think of the others needs before my own. Again, in all things, help them to know they are Loved, Valued and Accepted by God and by me.
5. It ALWAYS matters what I do. It only matters what I do because that is all that is within my control. I need to (and God asks me to) forgive and love NO MATTER WHAT the other person does ALWAYS. I need to continue to create an environment that gives my spouse the best chance of loving and forgiving me. Do not get caught in the trap that the ball is now in the other’s court. I have done all I can do. Or it doesn’t matter what I do, because they can always find a way to discount it, if they want to. It doesn’t matter what they do with it. I can only be responsible for what I do and I am called to always love, forgive, apologize and put the other’s needs before my own.
6. Communication Order: Feel – Think – Act Meet the other person (anyone) where they are at and then SLOWLY track with them through all 3 stages in the order they want to go in. Are they using I Feel words, I Think words, or I want to Do words?
7. Primary Feelings:
Glad
Sad
Bad
Mad
Fearful
Use the exercise of 1) what did you feel, #2) How strong on a 1 to 10, #3) Looking objectively at the situation, how strong of an event was it on a 1 to 10.
8. Conflicts
Annoyance – Forbear
Offense/hurt – Forgive
Sin – Rebuke, Forgive
Problem - Solve
9. Conflict Resolution Models
1) Win – I win, you lose
2) Withdrawal – I give up
3) Yield – Not important enough to expend the energy to enter conflict about
4) Compromise – We both win some and lose some. We give up battles to win the war.
5) Resolve – Because of our love of the other, taking all things into consideration, this REALLY IS what we want to do. We love each other and although, if we were making this decision by ourselves and only thinking of ourselves, it may be different, as we make this decision in community and love, this truly is what we want to do.