Growing up again

http://www.umext.maine.edu/onlinepubs/PDFpubs/4427.pdf
OCF (coaching foundation)
ICF Virtual Community Program Materials for:
R-E-C-Y-C-L-E: Tools for Understanding How Recycling Developmental Stages can Impact Client Growth and Change
By Amy Johnson, MSW


I. Overview
A. Origins of Developmental Stages Theory by Jean Clarke and Connie Dawson
B. Overview of Recycling Theory by Pam Levin

II. Developmental Stages
A. Being
B. Doing
C. Thinking
D. Power and Identity
E. Structure
F. Identity and Sexuality
G. Interdependence

III. Recycling Theory
A. Original uses in therapy
B. Uses in parenting education and other areas
C. Implications for coaching

IV. Indications someone might benefit from recycling:
A. Being
B. Doing
C. Thinking
D. Power and Identity
E. Structure
F. Identity and Sexuality

V. Prochaska’s Stages of Change
A. In relation to developmental stages
B. In relation to recycling

VI. Tools
A. Use of affirmations
B. Ideas to help recycle stages
i. Being
ii. Doing
iii. Thinking
iv. Power and Identity
v. Structure
vi. Identity and Sexuality

VII. Conclusion and Q&A

Amy Johnson, MSW Diligent Joy (253) 874-2084 www.diligentjoy.com
Developmental Stages and Affirmations
Material from Growing Up Again by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson



Stage One: Being (birth to 6 mos): This stage is about deciding to be, to live, to thrive, to trust, to call out to have needs met, to expect to have needs met, to be joyful. These decisions are important to nourish and amplify throughout our whole lives.

Affirmations that support these tasks:
1. I love you and I care for you willingly.
2. What you need is important to me.
3. You can feel all of your feelings.
4. You can grow at your own pace.
5. I’m glad you are you.
6. I’m glad you are alive.
7. You belong here.

Clues an Adult may need to Recycle Stage 1
· Wanting others to know what you need without asking.
· Believing others needs are more important than yours
· Joylessness
· Believing there is not enough or not good enough love, food, shelter, clothing, time, etc. for you
· Believing you have to suffer to get your needs met.

Activities that support Recycling Stage 1:
· Make a list of 8 things you want. Get someone to give you four of them.
· Make a list of things you need. Compare it to your “want list.” Check each thing on your “need list” and see if there is a better way you can supply yourself.
· Get more sleep.
· Say the affirmations for this stage to yourself.
· Do something to make your house more comfortable.









This material is used with permission from Growing Up Again Leader’s Guide by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson. For More information, see Growing Up Again by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson.


Amy Johnson, MSW Diligent Joy (253) 874-2084 www.diligentjoy.com
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Stage Two: Doing (6-18 mos.): This stage is a powerful time when it children decide to trust others, that it is safe and wonderful to explore, to trust his/her senses, to know what he/she knows, to be creative and active, and to get support while doing all these things.

Affirmations that support these tasks:
1. I love you when you are active and when you are quiet.
2. You can explore and experiment and I will support and protect you.
3. I like to watch you initiate and grow and learn.
4. You can be interested in everything.
5. You can use all of your senses when you explore.
6. You can do things as many times as you need to.
7. You can know what you know.

Clues an Adult may need to Recycle Stage 2:
· Reluctance to initiate
· Wanting to try everything or reluctance to try new things
· Not knowing what you know or not trusting your senses—always checking things out with others
· Creating clutter and living with it
· Thinking it is OK not to be safe, supported or protected.

Activities that support Recycling Stage 2:
· As a friend to take you some place you have never been before
· Explore your house on your hands and knees. Notice how different things look.
· Drop something six times and see if it always goes down.
· Hide something inside of your shoe. Discover it then next time you put your shoes on.
· Say the affirmations for this stage to yourself.













This material is used with permission from Growing Up Again Leader’s Guide by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson. For More information, see Growing Up Again by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson.


Amy Johnson, MSW Diligent Joy (253) 874-2084 www.diligentjoy.com


- 3 –

Stage Three: Thinking (18 mos-3 years) In this stage, children learn to separate from their parents, to think and solve problems, and to express and handle feelings.

Affirmations that support these tasks:
1. You can become separate from me and I will continue to love you.
2. It’s OK for you to be angry and I won’t let you hurt yourself or others.
3. You can learn to think for yourself and I will think for myself.
4. I’m glad you are starting to think for yourself.
5. You can say no and push and test limits as much as you need to.
6. You can think and feel at the same time.
7. You can know what you need and ask for help.

Clues an Adult may need to Recycle Stage 3:
· Resenting being held accountable.
· Rather be right than successful
· Saying “No,” or “I won’t” before thinking if that is the best response in that situation—or afraid to say “No.”
· Always testing limits, afraid to test limits, or resenting limits
· Difficulty thinking and feeling at the same time, “I was so mad I couldn’t think.”

Activities that support Recycling Stage 3:
· Make a list of things you like and things you don’t like. Read your list out loud to yourself. Choose one item you like and do it or celebrate it. Choose one item you don’t like that you can do something constructive about and do it.
· Get a new recipe or something to assemble. Follow directions exactly. Get three people to tell you how well you did.
· Get someone who loves you to tell you one dozen ways you are different from other people.
· Say “No” ten times and then say “Yes” ten times.
· Say the affirmations for this stage to yourself.








This material is used with permission from Growing Up Again Leader’s Guide by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson. For More information, see Growing Up Again by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson.


Amy Johnson, MSW Diligent Joy (253) 874-2084 www.diligentjoy.com
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Stage Four: Power and Identity (3-6 years) The tasks at this stage focus on learning and activities that help a person establish an individual identity, learn skills, and figure out role and power relationships with others.

Affirmations that support these tasks:
1. You can find out the results of your behavior.
2. You can explore who you are and find out who other people are.
3. You can try out different roles and ways of being powerful.
4. You can learn what is pretend and what is real.
5. You can be powerful and ask for help at the same time
6. All of your feelings are ok with me.
7. I love who you are.

Clues an Adult may need to Recycle Stage 4:
· Identity confusion—needing to define self by a job or relationship
· Afraid to be different
· Unclear about roles and who is responsible for what
· Not finishing things
· Expecting to be able to do things without having enough information

Activities that support Recycling Stage 4:
· Play charades
· Give or go to a costume party
· As a lot of questions; ask why
· Join a men’s group if you are a man or a women’s group if you are a woman. Talk and think about your ideas of appropriate, healthy, sex roles
· Use the affirmations for this stage with yourself













This material is used with permission from Growing Up Again Leader’s Guide by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson. For More information, see Growing Up Again by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson


Amy Johnson, MSW Diligent Joy (253) 874-2084 www.diligentjoy.com
- 5 –

Stage Five: Structure (6-12 years) This stage includes learning about our own internal structure, as well as structure in general, such as the need for rules, the freedom that comes from having appropriate rules, and the relevancy of rules, as well as examining the values on which rules are based. This is also the stage where people acquire many skills.

Affirmations that support these tasks:
1. You can think before you say yes or no and learn from your mistakes.
2. You can trust your intuition to help you decide what to do.
3. You can find a way of doing things that works for you
4. You can learn the rules that help you live with others
5. I love you even when we differ; I love growing with you
6. You can think for yourself and get help instead of staying in distress.
7. You can learn when and how to disagree.

Clues an Adult may need to Recycle Stage 5:
· Having to follow rules to the letter of the law or being angry at all rules
· Afraid to make mistakes
· Saying yes or no before thinking
· Trusting the thinking of the group more than own thinking and intuition
· Believing distress is a way of life.

Activities that support Recycling Stage 5:
· Form a new club and organize some activities for it. Choose a name and a crest and a motto and have a password. Write the goals and rules of the club.
· List twelve personal rules. Rank them in order of importance. Think of situations where each would be helpful and at least one situation where each one would not be helpful. Discuss this with your family, a friend or your coach. See if you need to scrap some old rules and put in some new ones.
· If you are usually neat, be messy for half a day. I f you are usually messy, clean up the mess in one area.
· Go to a church, synagogue, political party, union meeting or some place that will offer you some values that differ from your own. Notice if you hold you own values firmly, if you welcome new ideas, if you feel angry at, condescending toward, scared of people who disagree with you.
· Use the affirmations for this stage with yourself.





This material is used with permission from Growing Up Again Leader’s Guide by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson. For More information, see Growing Up Again by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson.


Amy Johnson, MSW Diligent Joy (253) 874-2084 www.diligentjoy.com
- 6 –

Stage Six—Identity, Sexuality, and Separation (13-19 years) The tasks of this stage are about identity, separation and sexuality.

Affirmations that support these tasks:
1. You can know who you are and learn and practice skills for independence.
2. You can learn the difference between sex and nurturing and be responsible for your needs, feelings, and behavior.
3. You can develop your own interests, relationships, and causes.
4. My love is always with you. I trust you to ask for my support.
5. I look forward to knowing you as an adult.
6. You can learn to use old skills in new ways.
7. You can grow in your male and femaleness and still be dependent at times.

Clues an Adult may need to Recycle Stage 6:
· Preoccupation with sex, body, clothes appearance, friends, sex role.
· Problems with starting and ending relationships, jobs, roles.
· Overdependence on or alienation from family.
· Trouble making and keeping commitments
· Confuses sex and nurturing.

Activities that support Recycling Stage 6:
· Write an essay starting “What I want most to accomplish in my life is…”
· Do something for a cause you believe in
· Have a long talk with a mentor about what is important to you
· Get a new hairstyle, some new clothes, and a new look.
· Use the affirmations for this stage with yourself.













This material is used with permission from Growing Up Again Leader’s Guide by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson. For More information, see Growing Up Again by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson.



Amy Johnson, MSW Diligent Joy (253) 874-2084 www.diligentjoy.com
- 7 -

Stage Seven: Interdependence (20+ years) the developmental tasks of adulthood focus on the journey from independence to interdependence, and they include regular recycling of earlier tasks in ways that support specific adult tasks.

Affirmations that support these tasks:
· Your needs are important
· You can be uniquely yourself and honor the uniqueness of others
· You can be independent and interdependent.
· Through the years you can expand your commitments to your own growth, to your family and your friends, your community, and to all humankind.
· You can build and examine your commitments to your values and causes, your roles and your tasks
· You can be responsible for your contributions to each of your commitments
· You can be creative, competent, productive, and joyful
· You can trust your inner wisdom
· You can say your hellos and goodbyes to people, roles, dreams, and decisions.
· You can finish each part of your journey and look forward to the next
· Your love matures and expands
· You are lovable at every age.




















This material is used with permission from Growing Up Again Leader’s Guide by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson. For More information, see Growing Up Again by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson.



Amy Johnson, MSW Diligent Joy (253) 874-2084 www.diligentjoy.com

Eric's Video resources for small groups

I like the Zondervan Groupware series. The video are short and good. The participant’s guide is very good, and the topics are good subjects for good discussion. I have used the following:

God is Closer Than You Think – good for after Alpha or for those new to the faith or still questioning

If You Want to Walk on Water, You have to get out of the boat – good to challenge one’s faith

What is so amazing about grace – good discussions on forgiveness and grace towards others and from God



Of course, Rob Bell’s Nooma video’s are good and lead to good discussions. I find them pricey, $10 for 15 mins., and the study guide unhelpful.

Intro to life coaching

Here is the first tool to help you to see if you are investing in areas where you were designed to be.

I am excited that you were interested in this. I have benefited a lot from things like this in our field orientations and other times we were asked to slow down for a few minutes to make sure the direction we are running in is the right one.

There is no magic in the questions, it is just a tool to help you to reflect on your history and how you got to the place in life where you are today.

I have a few more tools that helped me a lot that I will give you when you are finished with this. I recommend sharing what you write with someone that you feel safe with. This exercise in particular brings up lots of junk from our past that can only be dealt with if we take the time to process it and acknowledge how our past has effected us.

Take your time with it. When you are done, email me and I will send you the next piece. If you are comfortable sharing your time line with me than that would be great, but if you are not than that's ok too. You can always put things in code name if you are uncomfortable with it (One of mine was "punched chair" but there is a lot more to the event than that).