Wasn’t it GK Chesterton who said something like, ‘If anything is worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly?”

Ed Welch ADHD

FamilyLife.com My FamilyLife: Login Button Sign Up Button Find HelpHelp OthersEvents for CouplesArticlesAudioVideoStoreSignUp Button Mental or emotional issues Mental Anger Anxiety Asperger syndrome Attention deficit disorder Bipolar disorder Depression Grief Guilt Grieving a suicide Mid-life crisis Obsessive-compulsive disorder Rape recovery Suicide Behavioral Domestic abuse Help for the caregiver Physical Addiction Chronic fatigue The Heart of Change Can People Really Change? Counterfeit Hopes: Five Myths About Change Gospel of Change FamilyLife > Mental or emotional issues > Attention deficit disorder Share on facebook Share on twitter Share on email Share on printfriendly More Sharing Services Ask a Mentor button Understanding and Helping Those with Attention Deficit Disorder Those who struggle with ADD are often discouraged and hopeless. By Edward T. Welch WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW People often cry when they read about Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), not because it’s so sad, but because they finally have words to describe their world. Learning about ADD helps them to understand why school was painful and why they didn’t quite fit the academic mold. It explains for them why they often feel both anger and shame, and think of themselves as losers, even if they are successful. And it gives them insight into why they sometimes drive those who love them crazy. Somehow just knowing that other people experience ADD is comforting—it’s always nice to know you are not alone. So if someone you love (your child, your spouse, your friend) struggles with ADD, the first way you can help is by taking the time to understand his or her world. At first glance it seems like a motley array of experiences: creative, forgetful, unreliable, easily distracted, impatient with the ordinary, quick to start projects but slow to finish them, highly focused on certain tasks, and highly distractible on others. It is a package that tests the limits of your patience. But study them. Look especially for strengths and weaknesses that are different rather than simply wrong. The official definition, from Diagnostic Criteria from DSM-IV (the manual listing and describing psychiatric diagnoses recognized by the American Psychiatric Association), highlights three behaviors: inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. Technically, the term is ADHD (the H refers to hyperactivity). You can have ADD with hyperactivity and without it. The definitions aren’t precise, and there are no medical tests that can detect it, but some adults and children have more of these behaviors and some have less. (The complete definition of ADD from the DSM-IV is at the end of this article.) God’s perspective on ADD brings hope Those who struggle with ADD are often discouraged and hopeless. But isn’t it true that God doesn’t view any of us as a hopeless case? No matter what our physical or spiritual struggles are, God’s work is to make us more like Jesus, and nothing, other than our own stubborn hearts, can keep us from becoming what God has called us to be. So, the second way you can encourage someone with ADD is to share God’s perspective on his or her particular struggles. The basic idea is this: all of us have some limitations, but, by God’s grace, we are all able to grow in wisdom and in becoming more like Jesus. The Bible tells us that God made us spiritual and physical beings. Genesis 2:7 (ESV) tells us, “…then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living creature.” God is Spirit and we are created with a spirit. This means that at our core—in our spirits, our hearts, our souls—everything we do is related to God. We are connected to him; everything we do, say or think has to do with our relationship with God. In our hearts we are either living for God or against God. Do you live for yourself and your own reputation? Do you want more abilities so you can succeed in the eyes of the world? Do you grumble or complain? Are you quick to listen and take advice? All these questions reveal our commitment to ourselves, and the sins they expose are in all of us. The good news is that we can change, and the power to change is available to everyone. It comes not through new educational methods but through repentance, faith, and obedience. But God also made us physical beings. He does not call our bodies right or wrong; they are called strong or weak. By design they have limitations. When you are cruel to another person your behavior is spiritual. How well you walk, follow directions, and remember details are related to your physical strengths and weaknesses. Struggling in these areas does not mean you are sinning. They are simply the result of being creatures with imperfect bodies and brains. ADD is complicated. It includes behaviors that are expressions of our hearts (disobedience) and of our brains or bodies (attention abilities and the ability to link actions and consequences). Characteristics of ADD The person with ADD, just like everyone else, has both physical strengths and weaknesses. Physical strengths might include some of the following characteristics: a high energy level, unusual creativity, a willingness to take risks, and an outgoing personality. Physical weaknesses might include some of these struggles: a poor memory for the spoken or written word, difficulty sequencing behavior or devising steps to complete a task, difficulty establishing priorities, difficulty with sustained attention when tasks are not interesting, difficulty screening out irrelevant stimuli, difficulty judging the passage of time, difficulty knowing how to start a project, difficulty transitioning from one task to another, difficulty processing information when frustrated, and difficulty changing from one way of thinking to another. These are just some of the strengths and weaknesses you might discover. Every person is uniquely made in God’s image so there will always be more to learn. Understanding the physical strengths of ADD can help you encourage those with ADD. They are good at some things, and these are strengths they can build on. Understanding the physical weaknesses of ADD will help you deal more effectively with behaviors that might seem like personal affronts. For example, if your child isn’t listening to you, it’s possible that she doesn’t need discipline. She might need you to give her fewer and shorter directions and then follow up with her so she understands each step she needs to take. The spiritual challenges of ADD Now go deeper than physical strengths and weaknesses. The spiritual is our core, but it is often forgotten in discussions about ADD. This is true of every heart, whether it is easily distracted or completely focused. You can tell if a problem is spiritual or physical by asking, “Does this behavior break God’s law?” If a behavior goes against what the Bible says, then the problem is spiritual. Everyone is prone to certain kinds of sins, and those who fit the ADD description are no different. They often specialize in the same spiritual problems: Difficulty persevering when a task is complicated or boring (Proverbs 6:6-8; 12:11). Talking before listening (Proverbs 10:19; 18:13; 21:23; James 1:19). Not doing what they say they will (Ecclesiastes 5:1-7). Slow in learning from past experiences and from the wisdom of others (Proverbs 3:1-2; 12:15; 15:31; 19:20; 19:27). Slow in seeking advice (Proverbs 11:14; 15:22). Poor self-control (Proverbs 25:28; 29:11). Rashness and impulsivity—acting before thinking (Proverbs 21:5). Notice that all these problems are addressed in the wisdom books of the Bible, especially Proverbs. No one is born with wisdom. Wisdom comes from God, and He shares it with us in the Bible. We learn to be wise as we listen to God in the Bible, turn from our foolishness, delight in God’s forgiveness, seek His power to change, and then carefully consider our ways. Can you see the hope in prescribing a lifelong pursuit of biblical wisdom for those with ADD? Although they are naturally more active and less reflective, they can still become wise by studying these passages and asking the Spirit of God to apply them. Remember that God gives wisdom to those who ask with humble faith. James 1:5-6 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” Hopeful, isn’t it? We often think of ADD as an unchangeable genetic destiny, but we can be confident that change is possible because God promises to give wisdom to those who seek it. WHAT YOU NEED TO DO Apply biblical wisdom. So how do you help someone with ADD grow in biblical wisdom? First, you need God’s wisdom for yourself. Pray and ask God to help you know where to start. Here are a few suggestions: Don’t try to address all the spiritual problems you see at the same time. Look at the list above and take one biblical principle and work with it intensively. Include yourself in your instruction. Everyone needs to grow in wisdom. Become an expert in the books of Proverbs and James. Emphasize encouragement and instruction more than punishment. Remember that all wisdom begins with a growing knowledge of God;So be sure to simply talk about who God is and what he has shown us about himself Practical strategies At the same time you are teaching biblical wisdom, you also need to teach practical strategies for coping with the physical weakness of ADD. These strategies are especially written for those who are parenting a child with ADD, but they can be modified and applied to an adult. Begin by focusing on what he or she does best. Be their biggest cheerleader! Offer instruction in a way that is concrete. Make it vivid, visual, and memorable. For example, instead of “stop being so distracted,” you could say “do four math problems.” Provide structure. Structure refers to boundaries, guidelines, reminders and limits. It is a fence that contains and directs. Some children with ADD have a style of thinking that is chaotic and disorganized. Structure helps them by imposing external controls. Have clear, simple, predictable, and written household rules. Anticipate and work to head off problems instead of always reacting to them. If a difficult situation cannot be avoided, prepare the child to face it with prayer and practice. After the difficult time is over (homework, chores), give your child feedback so he can see his progress. Use “to do” lists and establish reasonable deadlines. Have your child do the hard task before the easy one. Make exercise a priority. Speak the truth in love to your child. Share with him when he is monopolizing a conversation; help him prioritize his day; and give him feedback on his creative ideas. Now settle in for the long haul. Change doesn’t come quickly for any of us and you will need divine patience as you work with someone who fits the description of ADD. But don’t forget, it is God who does the work of change. (Philippians1:6) FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS What about medical treatments? I would say to try medication last. That doesn’t mean it is wrong; it simply means that most of us would prefer life without medication. Medication might help some children in dramatic ways; it might have no apparent effect in others. Before considering medication, a physical exam should be schedule. Some medical problems have the same symptoms as ADD. Also, especially if you are considering medication for your child, consult with an educator or someone familiar with learning differences. Learning disabilities can also cause restlessness in school. What do we know about the stimulant drugs used with ADD? They have been around a long time and are relatively safe. Other drugs, such as anti-depressants, have only recently been prescribed for ADD and their effects are not as well known. All medications have side effects and should only be given under the care of a doctor who will monitor the patient. Diet changes and nutritional supplements have less noticeable impact on ADD symptoms but there are no side effects to most of them. Before you try medication, do your homework. Delivered from Distraction, by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey, has some helpful resources listed at the end of the book. If you choose medical treatment, don’t neglect spiritual nurture. No matter how profound the physical weaknesses of ADD are, they cannot keep you (or your child) from growing in the knowledge of Christ and learning wisdom. These are the foundations for life. Can you explain what “working on one biblical principle” might look like practically when parenting an ADD child? We are prone to give too much information. Add your personal frustrations to this parental tendency and you end up saying so much that your ADD child tunes you out. With this in mind, be strategic. Say less. Say it creatively. Enlist the child’s participation. And make it as fun as possible. Let’s say you choose to work on listening. Make that even more specific, such as paying attention when engrossed in another task. When we are focused on something enjoyable, like a video game, we don’t hear what is being said around us. Furthermore, if we did hear another person we wouldn’t want to listen because they are interfering with what we want to do. In other words, listening doesn’t come naturally. Specify the problem: “When you are ______ you have a hard time listening.” Include yourself: “We all have difficulties listening when it disrupts our fun. Listening is hard, but when it interferes with what we want it is really hard.” Make it God-ward: “When we don’t listen, it might be that we didn’t hear. We will help you with that by saying things clearly, making sure you are looking at us when we speak, and asking you to repeat what you heard. But sometimes you do hear, and you simply don’t want to listen. That is our hearts talking: we want to do what we want to do, and we don’t want to hear even God at those times. When that happens we will confess it to God and pray for God’s Spirit to keep changing us.” Find a verse that the child believes is relevant: Scour Proverbs and James for one that you can memorize and brainstorm on its many applications. Official definition of ADD from the Diagnostic Criteria from DSM-IV Inattention often makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions) often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework) often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g., toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools) is often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli is often forgetful in daily activities Hyperactivity often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat often leaves seat in classroom or in other situations in which remaining seated is expected often runs about or climbs excessively in situations in which it is inappropriate (in adolescents or adults, may be limited to subjective feelings of restlessness) often has difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly is often “on the go” or often acts as if “driven by a motor” often talks excessively Impulsivity often blurts out answers before questions have been completed often has difficulty awaiting turn often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games) -------------------------------------------- © Copyright 2010 by the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission. For more help on attention deficit disorder, read Edward T. Welch's book, Blame It On the Brain, and his minibook, A.D.D.:Wandering MInds and Wired Bodies., from New Growth Press. More information about the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation is available at its website. To look at all available CCEF resources, visit New Growth Press. Edward T. Welch, M.Div., Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and faculty member at the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF). He has counseled for over twenty-five years and has written many books, including When People Are Big and God Is Small; Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave; Blame It on the Brain?; Depression: A Stubborn Darkness; Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Addiction; Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest; and When I Am Afraid: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Fear and Anxiety; and the minibooks Bipolar Disorder; Eating Disorders; and Living with an Angry Spouse.. Passport2Purity Articles | Audio | Donations | Events | Shop | Video | Global ministry | Orphans ministry | Ministry Marriages | Small group studies | Be a HomeBuilder | About us | Contact us | Staff opportunities | MyFamilyLife © Copyright 2012 FamilyLife. All Rights Reserved.

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